Just want you to understand..

some stuff are hard to tell you
i wish you would see it by yourself.. But i don't thinkyou do.
You fucked up it all.. you need to clean up the mess.
i can't fix my broken heart all by myself.. I need you to do it, and show me that i can trust you and you can be mine. because deep innside me, i still love you. I love you more than anything else in the world, because you are my world. and i really don't want my world to fall apart..

So please fix what you've distroyed. I need you to do it. Because i can't live without you <3

Suddenly i really don't know what to do..

Yes, i still like you. You are soo much more than a normal friend for me, no matter what. I still love it when you hold around me and i love being with you.
But ...
I see there is really something missing.. I don't know what it is.. I don't know if you see it.. But i defintly see it. To be honest I don't think u see it. And that makes it even harder for me to find out what i want. I love you.. But.. There is someone else i like to. And now, i really don't know what to do. I don't wanna loose you.. But do i wanna keep you?

I feel so alone.. Why

`

I know i'm not alone.

I know my boyfriend love me.

I know i got supporting friends.

I know there is people who love me.

But still...

I feel alone.
I feel my boyfriend start to get tired of me.

I feel my friends don't support me.
I feel there isn't people who love me.

How is it possible?

What can i do with it?

I want to block myself out from everyone and everything.
Mabye that's the best ... ?

It's some words about how i feel

Every time I’m with you, you make me feel so good. I don’t know how you do it. But I know I love it. When I’m with you I feel so safe. I feel I don’t need anything or anyone else in the world. You’re all I want, you’re all I need. You make me feel happy and make me want to laugh, no matter what.

You always listen when I got something I need to say. You always support me when I need it. When I’m down, you always got a shoulder I can cry on. You tell me cute things about me. Things I’ve never before realized. Things I didn’t know people would see.

And what’s the point with this?
Well… I just wanted you to understand how much I appreciate what you do to me. And how much I love you. I know I can always count on you if it is something, and I know I never tell you, but I will do just the same for you, that you do to me. That’s what I call real love. And I hope you feel the same.

Take a hint, I want cute words back ..

I love gettin cute text from my boyfriend on my phone. Just so bad he almost never send thoose anymore :'( I try taking the iniative and send him some cute text, but he never send it back. He used to do it, all the time and I love it. Thoose cute little text I used to get everyday made me so happy. It made me feel good. I felt someone wanted me to be happy and wanted me to feel good. I loved that he did it.
Now when he never does it anymore, i really feel something is missing. I try to give him hints so he maybe will understand that I want it. I update my status on facebook with small cute things to him and tagg his name in it. I write on his wall on facebook. Just write little sentences that maybe make him smile when he read it. Actually, he have never writed something cute in the same way as I do on facebook.. He only did it on text. And sometimes face to face, but that’s not the same.

Of course I love that he say cute stuff to me when I’m with him. I love that just as much as I love it when someone send it to me on a text. But there is something different with it. When I’m alone and miss him, one of the best things I can get a text from him where he say some cute words to me. Damn I wish he would start doing it.

The best thing would be if he did it without me saying I wanted it, but it doesn’t seem like he would do that. I don’t think he understand that’s what I want.
So my question then is, how can I get him do it without saying “hey you, I want you to text me cute words and stuff like that sometimes”. I just feel that would be so wrong of me…

Why can’t he just take a hint when I try to give him one?

Sometimes, his the only one i want close ...

Sometimes, it's just the best to be alone. Block everyone out and just sit by myself. Right now that's how I feel. I just want to sit alone and block everyone out. Exept one person. My boyfriend. He is the only one I want to be with. I want him to sit together with me and hold around me. That's where I want to be now.
But i'm not there. I'm in a classroom full of people. People who talk, laugh, look around them... I don't want to be here. I don't know why I feel so depressive, but I do. Maybe it's because i miss my awesome boyfriend? Well ... Maybe not, cause I was with him yesterday, and even though I love him more than everything else in the world, i can be away from him longer than 10 hours ... I've been a whole week without him, and i survived..

So I really don't know what it is.. But I hope it's over soon, cause I hate being like this. I just leave my friends and stay in a corner alone with the computer, bloggin, like now. And waiting... I'm waiting for my boyfriend to get on skype, then things will get soo much better. Just the sound of his voice makes me warm innside <3 It's like magic. Just wish I could see him too, and feel him holding around me <3

I don't need so much

When I sit in class and hear your voice when I talk with you over skype, it makes me smile. I wish i could see you too, but you don't got a cam.. Just wish you could get one so I can see you when I talk with you.
When it comes to you I don't need so much to get happy. It's enought just hear your voice or see your pretty smile. I don't know if you have realized it yet.. But maybe you will, after a while. Anyways i love you more than anythinh else <3

Suddenly my friend turn her back to me

I really don't like when a "friend" of me suddenly put out a picture of she and my boyfriend (my boyfriend is her ex) kissing.. And it's like ... Over a half year since they broke up. But she is jealous on me because i'm with him... (think she still loves him or anything like that).. But anyway, she post the picture of she and him kissing today with the text " I love you my boy <3 , Miss you </3" ... And i was like, wtf ? What's the point ? And when i asked her to remove the picture because i didn't like it and i think it was just stupid to publish that picture now, she just said " i don't need to remove it just beacuse you want it, it's my choise what i publish on facebook and not. You got no rights to complain about it" ...
And now a friend of her texted me and told me i should stop caring about what they did and all that stuff.. And they two and I was soo good friends before... Before my boyfriend got in the picture.. And i really don't know what tot do about it...

Drawing of my boyfriend. Made my me

Okay, i've always said that I really can't draw... But i've figured out. I actually can. If I try to draw something that's really pretty in real life. So, i figured out i should try to draw my boyfriend Chris. Beacuse i love looking at him cause his soooo pretty.

I wanted to show the drawing to him before i publish it on the internet. And i was thinking i should do it today, but then things changed so i'm not going to be with him today at all.. And then i figured out i could post it here, cause i know he read my blog.

First, the original picture:

I could watch him for hours cause i think he is so pretty, and i love him more than anything else in the world <3

And then, to my drawing:

Tada c: Think it's pretty awesome. It is easy to see it's him, right ?
I would love getting comments on it.

Hope my boyfriend will read my blog today and maybe text me and say what he think about it or something like that.

Just wish I could show him it in real life.

Always missing you

I'm used to see my boyfriend every day. He used to follow me to the bus and meet me when i came with the bus home. Now, i've moved to another placce. A place where he can't follow me to the bus or meet me when i come home with the bus. It feel so strange. I'm just so used to see him every day. And now it can be days between each time we see each other. I hate it. It makes me sad and makes me wanna cry.
But it's not going to help. It's not going to change anything even if I cry.

And of course, the days I can be with him, he can't be with me. The day today is one of those days. And I hate it.. I just want to be with him.. All the time. But the fact that I can't do that makes me depressed and crying.. But nothing can help me either.. I'm on my own..

I wish ...

I'm at work. It's lunsj so it dosen't matter tham i'm bloggin now. I just wanted to say, I miss my boyfriend soo much now.. It's like.. Well, I watch out of the window all the time, hope i'll see him come over here and visit me on work... But i think it's not ging to happen.. No matter how much i wish it..
But still, i wounder, is it possible he will come ? It could be possible, right ? If i hope enough.. And with it harder than anything else.. I wish ...

New blog, new start

Okay, the title on my blog don't matter that much. But I think it's awesome anyways.
For some reason i figured out I wanted a new blog. But this time I wanted it to be all english, even though i'm norwegian. I just like writing english and think everything I write look so much better on english.
I might going to loose some ppl who used to read my old blog cause of it. But i'll survive that.
I actually don't blog just so I can get lots of ppl reading what I write. I blog just cause I think it's fun and i love writing (call me strange, i don't care)..

So everything I write in this blog, is going to be on english. But comments can be in norwegian. I don't care bout that.

And in this blog, i'm going to write about what i think, things that happen in my life, things i love and other random stuff i find. Cause I love being random.

I'm also going to make a contact mail for this blog so my readers can mail me and ask me stuff or just ask me if i can write about something special. But that i'm going to do later.

Now i'm off to work ^^