This Saturday it should have been 1 year and 2 moths with my boyfriend.... notice "should have". I was looking forward to that day. I'm not sure why.. but I guess it was because it meant something for me. You know, a long relationship...it means something...
The longest relationship I've ever had lasted for one and a half year. That's a really long time you know... but sadly it ended because my mom forced me to end it. But thats another long story... which I prefer not going trough again... cause hurts to much..
So, yeah, this Saturday, 1 year and 2 moths... (this is hard cause my head is a real mess now).
This time, I also though my relationship should last.. because my mom haven't forced me to let go this time.
I though that this time, it would break my last relationship record (one and a half year). Because I had no plan to let him go. I loved him... I really did and I still do...
But this time it fucked up again... he left me... I had never thought that would happen. Not at all !
We where going to stay together no matter what. We both said that... so yeah... I meant it...
This is really hard for me to write.. cause its such a mess in my head now. I can't think straight... no matter what. I'm dangerous for others around me. But I'm dangerous for my self... I really am.
Fucking regrets... even though it's not anything I can regret.. cause I wasn't the one who left... I was the heart broken one.... really heart broken too.... I think I've never felt pain like this. Never felt so alone... not in any way...
Normally I use to get fine through a breakup... I really do. But not this time...
I already miss having he close. I miss sitting next to him, watching a movie and slowly falling asleep.
I miss all his stupid ideas, his stupid way to solve problems. I miss the way he laugh when I did something stupid.
I miss the way he used to hold around me when I was scared.
I miss how he used to call me every night saying "good night" and "I love you" . I miss the sounds of his voice in the morning. I miss falling asleep on his arm.
I miss telling him everything. I miss how he always made me laugh when I really didn't want too. I miss how he always understood me. I miss how he used to keep me warm when we where outside.
I miss to have him here.... here with me :'(
I miss it all. I miss it more than I've ever missed anything else in the world.
But here I am... alone and heart broken... regret letting him go.
It's really true what people say, you really don't know what you have until it's gone..
I understand that now,., and I wonder, how the hell could I be so stupid and let all this happen??
I'm just so fucking stupid :'(
